Though Samantha knew she was worthy of her own boudoir session, her inner voice and the hurtful words of others over the years reverberated in her head all the way up to the day of her session. In fact, they almost kept her from going through with it.
“I dreaded it. I kept trying to talk myself out of it. I kept replaying all of the horrific words that have been told to me by others over and over in my head. I am fat. I am ugly. I am gross, disgusting, unworthy of love. Why did I sign up to do this again? Why was I torturing myself? I hate the mirror and most of all, pictures. I am always the one taking pictures, not in them,” Samantha said, spiraling.
Throughout her life she’d been told, sometimes by the people she loved the most, that she was unworthy of love because they didn’t like what they saw.
“I was full of anxiety. I was wasting Mike and Erika’s time by doing these pictures. There are so many more beautiful people in the world that they should be staring at and hopefully not getting sick when they see my body in all of its disgusting glory. Their poor eyes. Their poor stomachs. Their poor minds of having to replay seeing it in a memory.”
Oh Samantha, how we just want to embrace you and tell you how untrue those words are.
Samantha tried on countless pieces of lingerie. “Anything that I could remotely see a flicker of hope that I would look semi-ok in.” She settled on two pieces she hoped would “hide everything.”
It took all of her bravery not to cancel her session.
When the day finally came, Samantha came in with a clouded mind, a heavy heart, and an understanding that this was just another way to see what others have told her they see in her.
“I got there a little late and ran in without giving hugs or so much as a hello. I wanted to jump right in so I could finish it as quickly as possible, try to shrink and leave. I wanted them to forget I was there,” she said.
As vulnerable as she felt, Samantha put her faith in our photographers and to her surprise, she began to feel her layers peel away.
“I posed the way I was asked to as Mike and Erika clicked away. My anxiety dispersed. My self-esteem blossomed. My confidence grew. My beauty within myself started to show as I smiled and laughed in some of the pictures. As the session went on, for some odd reason, I became very comfortable.”
Samantha amazed herself by walking around the studio in nothing but a cheeky pair of panties, letting everything hang out as it was meant to!
But she wasn’t finished yet, she still had her photo reveal and, with some trepidation, she prepared herself for what was to come.
“All I would see in these pictures would be rolls, scars, stretch marks, pure and utter ugliness,” she feared.
She held her breath, ready to close her eyes at the photos she’d deemed unworthy, but instead, something else happened.
“Instead, I saw some sassiness, playfulness, but most of all beauty and confidence. Holy Shit! That’s me? WHAT? I sort of look beautiful in that one. I might have spoken these words out loud. I surprised myself a couple of times. Did I just actually like the way I look in a picture? Interesting!”
Though Samantha has a way to go on her journey of self-love and acceptance, this session made her realize a lot of things about herself, most importantly that she is more than who she is on the outside.
“I cannot express enough what my boudoir session has done for me. I am more than just a “plus-sized body. Thank you for allowing me to be seen, to feel seen and seeing what I have never seen in myself. Thank you for showing me that although I heard hurtful words all my life, that I am actually NOT those words. I will forever be grateful. Never have I ever felt more beautiful,” said Samantha.
If you are even the slightest bit interested in having your own boudoir session, but are plagued by feelings of unworthiness, please, do not hesitate to give us a call. We, at Allebach Photography, will literally hold your hand throughout the process.
To schedule your free consultation, call 610.539.6920 or visit http://allebachphotography.com/contact/.
You are absolutely worth it.