Don’t Be a Hack on your Wedding Day
and why I think comparison is killing brides and making wedding planning no fun.
As I was reading The War of Art by Steven Pressfield, I came across a section about how to be a hack writer or artist by Robert McKee. What struck me is how close that definition matched my definition of a hack bride (thankfully I don’t get these kind of brides). So I rewrote his section on hack artists/writers and replaced them with bride.
“When the hack sits down to [plan a wedding], she doesn’t ask herself what’s in her own heart. She asks what the [guests] are looking for. The hack condescends to her audience. She thinks she’s superior to them.
The truth is, she’s scared to death of them or, more accurately, scared of being authentic in front of them, scared of [being] what she herself thinks is interesting. So she tries to anticipate what the [guests] (a telling word) wants, then gives it to them.
She writes what she imagines will play well in the eyes of others. She does not ask herself [or her future husband], What do I myself want to [have]? What do I think is important? Instead she asks, What’s hot, what can I make a deal for?
The hack is like the politician who consults the polls before she takes a position. She’s a demagogue. She panders.”
-Robert McKee
I think what i’m getting at is if you want a vegan wedding, have a vegan wedding. If you don’t want alcohol, you don’t have to have it. Elephants at your wedding, awesome. Your uncle harry makes your mother cry at weddings….don’t invite him. It’s up to you to choose the traditions you want to keep and the ones you don’t want to keep.
Right now I want to affirm that if you want to have a simple no-frills wedding – that is perfectly okay! Have a wedding in a park. Have a wedding on a public train. Or have a wedding on a median of a road in Philadelphia(like one of my awesome couples did) and let your family and friends watch.
Like Theodore Roosevelt said “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Have the wedding you want! Give up the pressure from wedding magazines & pinterest. This wedding is about a marriage. Have fun and let go.
What do you think?
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by Mike Allebach
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Not the brides I’ve had the pleasure of working with. One of the first questions I ask is “What do YOU envision for your day?” Perhaps a bride will rely on the advice of friends and family because she has no idea where to begin. As far as their ceremony is concerned, I like to ask lots of questions to get the couple really thinking about what feels ideal for them – what reflects their feelings and personalities. I like to open the door to ALL possibilities so they can settle into and own the choices they make. It can be very eye-opening for a couple to realize they do have options – their wedding can be unique, fun and lighthearted as well as meaningful 🙂
I love that! And I know from experience that you help create the wedding day that is meaningful to your couples. I’ve watched you do it! Your weddings are unique and capture the essence of the couple.